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start to a new year?

it was a start to a new year very rocky. just the bigging of january i got the police to kick him out. i was all emotional and my sisster came round and cleaned up the whole house. i was so distrate that he would be on the street and i found out he was at his mums. he came round on the monday and we made up then we got cubboards for the bedroom with more space and looking tidy. a week later he had a suspected stroke he has on going tests at the hospital. his family has realized that they are needed more in his life he relizes hes been really bad and all has been carm. we shall see were we go. i think he may have a demensior related problem and brain scans pending. my family how ever are barley speaking to me. but with time maybe they will see it my way or maybe not. i am cooking up lots of stews and prepering fruit. we will work on having my family come round. we have stoped playing the playstation and spend evenings caching up on tv and going to bed earlie. giving up smoking will come but not at the momment. not all can get this kind of outcome. very rare to be able to have a family that so suportive.

it is a day to wonder?

its a day to remember?

its a day to get a good rest?

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my funny momments

the other day i went to see myson and i just looked at him for a long time. i looked at his head and looked to his feet, i thought owww, would he be too old now to pat him down make sure all bones were intacted. maybe a women who really would do it. she would have balls of steal. what could it be like to have your mum pat you down as if she was a wpc. maybe put something suspicious in your pocket and then tell her it was not yours she would take you down the station , the train station. what mum we going on holiday, yes son mum will wait here for you, cry cry, but mum, shh now son get on the train, the door shut and he siting their the ticket person asks were you going son. he said i dont know my mum found something suspicious in my pocket and took me down the station she said she would wait for me. shock face. ]#

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what a year

so i left my husband and went to a refuge over the haloween. i had a lot of people help me and my family was great. i waas all distressd and i was off my medication which made it worse. as i could not think straight and was so upset and hurt. i had my son talking to me then. by the sunday i talked to him on messager i was missing my cats and stuff. i stupidly came home. i have been back what three weeks and all his friends ae saying i was in the wrong. i just wont my house but he says he wont leave that i have to. so its worth being here with my cats and my comfort, its not worth the shouting hes doing blaming me for him having to pay for everything, i told him its about time he payed for hings i had to pay for him and did he hear me moan about it not till now. so i applied for a creative writing course he said if it costs anything you cant do it. i told how much it would be he said well i am not paying nine grand for you i said well you wont need to pay anything. so he told me that i have to tell them i cant because hes not paying that. told him i could get a grant. he said great remember you have to pay for me and the cats. i had a interview in my local store and he stopped me going saying i would be destroying him he be homeless and we would lose the house. he watched the vote yesterday was up most te night in a bad mood blameing me because i did not vote. well here we are back home again.

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happy days

evrythings goingy way as the song says. its all happy and change. its really good that my four days away has made my husband relize he was going really bad. he has agreed to change and he has. getting better and all needs to be done is to get my son talking to me again. my husband had really took a look at himself hes not plying playstasion much he relizes that people on his console was hurting him not helping him. he goes to bed earlie and is much happier getting up earlie. its a start but my sons not convinset. yet.

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what is life

life is what we are given. but life is what we cozy to do with that life. noone is perfect. some times were welthy. other times we are poor. life is who you bring in to your life. how you live. we all just wont to be happy. we have to strive to make sure the next generation does not have to suffer the same as we did growing up. some had happy homes. some had horrible homes. others were hurt so badly. life is are life and the people in it who make it worth wail. others have to be told how your upset. they only see their side you have to talk to let them know yours. it is a world were noone talkes to each other. most all they need o do is lisen and be heared. it is comunacation with every little detail. nothing left unsaid. some are angry some are quiet. everyone needs to be heared. this world were the gp needs to talk to a specialist at the hospital not through a secretary. i find that people can misunderstand. they think their way and not yours. as i try and tell everyone is.

i not a mindreader, i dont like puzzles or sharads. just lay it on the line. what are you trying to say?

i have had a lot of ups and a lot of downs. i have rolled with what others are bringing my way. i , have followed and been lead. i have been alone and hungry. i have been dirty and in need of a bath. i have had all manner of things done to me. i say?

i have beaten the odds i stand stronger and more will. to be alive. i have the beatless in one ear. and my future in the other. i lisen too?

here comes the sun, my life starts a new, it starts at a straight road. and their will be no looking back. as long as the song plays every morning weather its raining or foggy. here comes the sun. best song ever.

my smile each day is for my son hard working and his girlfriend so nice and warm. my smile is from seeing my grandaughter laugh and play.

my smile is for the sweet way my husband kissed my cheek and held my hand so gently.

my smile is for my sissters, they are so protective and i love them dearly. for the laughing of how w all battled each other for mums attension.

my smile is because my mum did her best to make life happy. i can see her side of things now. love you always mum.

my smile is being here. not letting anyone bring me down. a cry a sleep, then cleaning the house to the beatles sparing me on. ow and chubby all 50s radio. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

how did i get so old? hahahha

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happy day

last night my husband found my blog. he read it and this morning he apoligized he said he was only angry because he was trying to protect me. i said well you were scaring and hurting me. so he said sorry. tttttttttthen we lay in bed just woke up and my alexa set toplay music as a alarm at 10 am andit was some 60 music elton john and that. then he said when did we get so old. i said have you just relized that were not getting younger. i was talking about how funny my grandaughter is having a little tantrume and he said this song my dad used to lisen to and now i lisen to it. i said that yes as you were fighting getting old we turned old anyway haha. i wrote some time ago. i feel young but as are older genration depart we ave without knowing it become the old generation to the young ones. we know how are parents must of felt as they got old.