my friday felling lol

hi peeps i have been in to town. i went to the shoe shop and i bought some flip flops for around the house and i got shoes that i would not usely buy and their suprisingly comftable i got open toes shoes but they were cheap and i can wear them with a nice skirt down the beach. i also got a pair of pumps. i got my husband his crisps he likes and then i sat on the bench by the bus stop. they are doing a bus with a open top to tour the town. i was at the bench and i facetimed my husband he was iin a tizz because he emtyd the bin and he said he had broken the bin lid. he was so upset. he said i need you home. i said that i was going to go on he free bus. he said i need you home the cats are wonting food and jac is dancing round my feet its annoying. i said just make yourself a sandwich and a drink i shall be home soon. so i needed a drink and the bakery was across the road i poped in got two ribena cartens and i got six finger buns. i went back to the bench and waited for the taxi. when the taxi came i got home and my husband had loud music on the tv and i sorted the bin it had just pop of the hinge i clicked it back in and ushered the cats out and talked to my husband gave him his crisps and he lowered the volume and i just chatted made a joke and now hes on his playstation. i tryed to say its a nice dy we should take a picnic and take some drinks and crisps from the fridge make a ham rolls in a box and go relax at the beach for a hour. he said no i cant not ready to go that far that quick. hes not left the house in two yearshe scared to go out he tryes to take a walk every oother day but when you have no reason to leave the house why should you if your comftable at home and have everything you need indoors xxxx

getting up so hard

i woke up this morning my cat was sitting on my chest meawing for his brecfast. my husbands fast asleep he has had thefan on allnight. cats had their brecfast i had my coffee and my alpen bar choclate orange so nice. heard of noone. i spook to my sisster last night she said dont phone me till monday she was going away to watch her bike thing she likes. i have bins to sort out and nothing much else to do. myhusband wont get up till around 2pm its 11.46 now chips my other cat went to sit in the front garden. i left the door open as she the fat cat and finds it difficalt to jump in the window. as soon as my husband wakes up he will yell to shut the door. he has diabetes as well as a hundred diffrent things and he always says he has to keep warm a little bit of cold and hes in danger of getting nemonie. he always shouts i have diabetes i cant get cold. haha yeah grumpy. just sitting watching thismorning. its so quiet outside the odd car and person going past. well i vey boaring morning to some. i am enjoying the relaxasion as it will be noise later.

mental health

its 2.49 am and its friday 23 of augest i live with mental health issues my husband lives with mental health issues and days are up and down i have been in the mental health as a patient since 2000. their i have been turbulant and downs and my husband took care of me the best he was able. everyone has their failings and now for the last two or three years i lost track i have been trying to care and look after my husband. he has not been wright at all and its getting worse he finds change difficalt and their has been a lot of big chages as well as small and he has not liked them. i dont like them but i now their was nothing that could be done to change it. my husband is a self harmer and he is very upset he fells the worlds ending. he is just existing not living. we all try but he sees it as nagging or having a go at him and he just wonts to be left alone to do things he wonts to do. we all leave him alone to do what he wonts and he always has something to go mad about. if its not fresh arguments he will pick up old arguments that had been sorted out. in his sichoctic tme of worrying about things he has scares on his head he picks at to make wore. he is attension seeking he just needs someone to talk too. his heart is so invested in helping everyone. he gets so hurt when he fels that hes not incontrol. he cant see the people who are stamping all over him. and the people who are just trying to look after him. he prefers to help and not to be helped. his health his sensitive feelings hurt the person he loves the most. we all have the mad screaming side but also the counceler sensable. tapping in to the sensable side would be better but emotions and felling do get away with things. i shall wright a daily acount of are things we do. night xxxxx

what a day

can it get anyworse at all. i have over the last two weeks first i was going sick ever night then had the doctor out and he gave me injection it stoped then a few days later i had a day of diare ever half hour i was on the toilet and it stoped at 4am the next morning and then i was felling my skin on fire . then i made a joke one joke and they took it the wrong way. my advice dont make silly jokes till you get to now someone not worth the hassle. i learned it the hard way. then i sent a load of choclates to my daughter in law only to find out shes on a diet that went really down well. i am on a roll this week all i got to do now is upset my sissters and i will have a hole in one. looking on the bright side i am felling a little less sick and needing to rush to the bathroom. so shall we see who we can upset tomorrow. without wonting to. my cat seems to be eating better she was felling unwell but she looking better now. i got a load of cleaning to do but that never stops. i gave up on cleaning the cat hair in the corners it really got me depressed for a wail i was pulling my hair out i would clean it next day it was like i had done nothing i had enough i let the place get messey. if my husband was not willing to put his rubbish in the bin well why should i do it for him i am not his mum yet he has tamtremes with me and makes me fell like i got to act like his mum. alittle confusing and turnes me off sometimes. i cry most nights and tonight i am too angry and amezed to cry and as people reading this have relized i am bad at spelling dont tell my husband that he thinks i am ace at it shhhhhhhh haha. i dont make plans as i dont know when i am able to get up or what going to happen i wing it day by day and find out who can i upset today hahaha. noone cares if i get upset i curl up in a corner and cry noone sees me no cuddles nothing but when i cry i dont wont cuddles i fell like if some one cuddled me i would break apart. its so painfull to cry more painfull than a broken leg. you have to ride it out and rest have a sleep and your skin will look better and you wake up with a smile and say today i am going to smile i am going to have a lazy day i am going to veg out infront of the tv computer or tablet and i am going to just watch a move and talk to my nearer and dear your best mate. if you fell you have noone talk to. talk to the air talk to the trees. or the squirrel on the tree . reason with yourself i can change my way i dont need to be someone i hate i can be a person i would love and go out and be loved. xxxxx

all in all

alll in all my husband has been annoyed today but when we get on its realy good. aall i have writen its not always like this its just one day today and we will probably when he comes to bed we will snuggle and watch a move probably ghost one haha hes opseset and it is rediculas hes going to get taken over by a demon that would make him happy i am 43 and i like chating and playing on the playstation and so what have nothing else to do in the evening i dont drink because its just not good to fel the pain of the hangeover the next day and i dont drive so dont need to spend shit loads on a car. so why not i have a laugh ever night and why not. their is someone i meet on their that has muted me she thinks i so old i should not play on the playstation. well stick my tonge out to her and say i am a gamer i am 43 so what xxxxxx

a lighter note

i fel angry enough at the momment to put the world to wrights and i also fel happy and happy. its weired their is something in the air making some people angry and irtable. my late mum always said when the moon is full the crazys come out. well mum i am one of thouse crazys she would laugh at that. so my evening wright now is quiet. just banter with mates on the playstation. then maybe a hailung later and cut some chicken heads but all in all its good for getting a relax at lisning to music thats chanting and angry someone else can be angry wail i laugh at them hahahaha.

my evening chapter two

my husband came in and apoligized he did not mean to get so angry he seemed carm so i made tea cod in batter and curly fries and oinion rings. we had tea i sent my friend the hour and a half recording so i was on the playstation wail i recored and my friend was on line i muted the two that was being weired with me and talking to my friend and then they go off one about being muted my husband has a go at me tells me i got to unmute. i said well now they now how it fells and they wont to be difficalt i can play them at their own game. i got to admit it is a little sweet haha.

my evening so far

so i go on the playstation and their all chatting but i have been muted by two people in the party i ask why because i just said hello and was talking to ian on their so then my husband comes in my romm started saying that i was kicking of which started a big argument him threating to smash my tablet and it was my failt he said aparently they muted mebecause i breathed. well to say i dont fell like going on my playstation tonight because my husbands shouting. wail he goes back on the playstation as if nothing happened. so what do i do i am damed if i do and damed if i dont. now i have a headach and i am going to take a bath and do that recording xxx

e cares about my exitment

my day started at 11am this morning i did not go to sleep till 3am this morning my husband plays his playstation chating with his friends till about 5 am i woke at 11am thinking it was earlie as it was a bit dark. i looked outside it was raining heavy with some wind. i got a cup of milk had a cigeret and then i tryed not to disturb my husband he was snoring like a bull. i had promised to recored a talking book for a friend and i had to use the phone to recored it from the tablet. i thought i will phone my sisster and then i can not get interupted with the recording the book. hopefully its not ilegel to do the recording.ha. i then tidyed around all the sweets rappers that my husband eats over night he seems to eat everything in the kitchen at 3am in the morning. well now this is about 12am in the mid afternoon and i think that maybe i should wrigh about my day i just got my new tablet andi got a bluetooth key pad. so i open my word on my tablet conect my pad and i find i am enjoying writing. my husband gets up at about 2pm and he puts the tv on watching his ghost proggrammes. he has his toast and the cats come in for food. he comes in from the kitchen and said can you feed the cat he keeps dancing round my feet. he hates it as he is not very confedant walking without a stick. i get up and i am dancing with a cat named jac. he moves inside and around my legs and i dance with him. he should be called cleopatra. he has make up on it looks like it but its his markings. i make coffee sit with my husband. who is watching ghost programmes and his cat laying on the cushion next to him. he tells everyone i hate these programmes .i dont i do like them. dont tell him ha. he was supposed to have a befriender come round but they never turned up. my husband said can you go fetch some cigerets i am almost out. i was felling lazy i txt my sisster to ask if she could go to the shop forme. she drives i dont. got no replay. so i called a taxi he took me to the shop and i said i had started doing a daily blog on the word. he said try wordpress their good. i checked it out and here i am bloging boaring everyone haha. ow the cats had brecfast brunch lunch and tea and tea bruch cost me a fortune and my cat chips she just eats hers and steals everyone elses as well fat cat. you need a diet chips haha. well now i got my munure to sell on my farming simulater 2019 on the playstation my sisster never got back to me but my sisster who has ignored me for three weeks rings up because she had noone to go to the shop. well it fair she ignored me its good i said no. right. felling a little gilty but she cant just ring me after ignoring me and expect me to say yes. so please leave me a comment if yo wont me to delet if its too boaring byz byz